remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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