I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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