capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize