chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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