1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
