hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
