Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
