Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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