So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
