Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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