I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
