:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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