I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
