onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
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Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
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If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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