I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
