absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
