My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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