Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
