he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
