Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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