I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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