I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
