life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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