it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
