Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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