Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
