Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
