it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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