i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
