I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
