We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
