Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
