She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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