I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
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I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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