its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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