weddingsv make me drug and hornr
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
