i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
