I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
