My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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