Jerry, you need to find god
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
