WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
