Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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