I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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