SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
