My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
