We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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