like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dear god my vagina.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
