They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
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You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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