ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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