Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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