i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
