'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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