We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Randomize
