allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
