How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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