whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
