He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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