Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
