I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
