The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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