I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
