She's JV to your varsity
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
