Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
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At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
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Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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