You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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