its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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