Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
