I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
